Escape from Fort Nigma/Script
Lee: a picture of A. Nigma High and the school emblem appear "This is where a prank I didn't commit scored me a year of detention. A. Nigma High. I managed to find out who set me up–VP Victoria and Lynch–but after that, everything got covered up. Principal Barrage–who totally saved me and Tina–got taken away. Then any trace of him–erased." picture of Cassandra is shown. "I'm sure Kimmie's mom–the same person who busted VP Victoria–was behind it. So whose side is she on? No clue. But Biffy found out she owned the building where the brainwashing phones were made. We both snuck into her house to look for clues, but got caught." of the failed undertaking are shown. "Now Kimmie's mad at Biffy, and boy is Biffy mad at me. But, it wasn't a complete loss. I overheard something." of the underground meeting and of Lee putting the code on his phone are shown. "Buttonford, seven-oh-four, fourteen forty-five. Don't know what it means, but since Kimmie's mom probably knows where Barrage is, something tells me if I crack the code, I find Barrage." ---- Detentionaire ---- 2:45:06 PM plane is landing at a small private airport. Lee and Tina are watching from the bushes. Lee: "Whoa! Tina, are you getting this?" Tina: filming "Uh-huh." a giant green robot with a scythe lands in front of them. Lee: "Run!" and Tina take off just in time to evade the scythe. They run through the woods. Tina trips on a tree root and gets her foot stuck beneath it. Tina: "Lee! I'm stuck help!" runs back to help. The reaper lands in front of them, and they scream as it raises its scythe. ---- Earlier that day...11:15 AM is riding a streetcar with his robotic baby. When it cries, Lee sticks a bottle in its mouth, and its eyes turn green again. Lee: "That's it, ssh, you stay quiet now. Daddy's gotta solve this annoying puzzle." Tina: him "Lemme guess, cracking some top-secret foreign spy code?" Lee: "Oh, hey. I can put it away, if you wanna–" Tina: "Help?" takes the phone and works on it. Lee: "I was gonna say chat." sits down beside him. "Uh, so, no class today. Sweet. I mean, after we drop off the brats." notices a faraway look in Tina's eyes. "Tina? Hello?" scans the phone closely. "Trying to socialize here." Tina: up "Huh? Sorry. Buttonford seven-oh-four, fourteen forty-five. I'll bet the fourteen forty-five is a time! Two forty-five PM. What's this about?" Lee: "I think something to do with where they took–or, what they did with Barrage. I have to figure it out." gets on the bus and tosses some change into the moneybox. He heads for the back. Lee: up to greet Biffy "Hey!" roughly shoves past Lee, sending Lee falling back into his seat. Tina: "What's–with him?" Lee: "Kinda stepped on some toes to get these numbers. Also I might've gotten his baby killed. Not on purpose though." Tina: out the window "No way! Isn't that–" has spotted a familiar looking truck. Lee: "Barrage's car?" presses the button for a stop and gets up. "See you at school!" Tina: "Lee! Wait up!" doesn't hear her, and the doors to the streetcar shut on her before she can get out. "Hey!" Lee: "Hold on, junior! We're off to the races." drops his skateboard and begins to ride. ---- school, a dropoff box has been set up so that students can bring their babies back. Holger: up with Cam "Baby Squizzyflax. You be good robot baby. Not like before at the pukey party, okay?" holds the baby out to the bin and it begins crying. He pulls it back. "Holger miss you too much! I can't. I can't!" Camillio: "Gimme it dude!" wrenches the baby away from Holger. "Hasta lluego baby ese." the baby in the box "Enjoy the free afternoon in your pile of babies." and Holger walk away from the box. A frantic Irwin runs over to Camillio. Irwin: "You're the president! Like, do something!" Camillio: "Uh, okay first, try mouthwash, dude! Second, what's the problem?" Irwin: "The problem? The problem?!?" hyperventilating "The problem is, the school's locked! All those lonely books, those unsolved math equations, the smell of chalk in the morning, LET US IN!" Camillio: flabbergasted "School is cancelled and you're like upset? You need to get your priorities checked like pronto, man." whistles to get everyone's attention. "Okay, eyes this way, prez speaking. You want me to fix this and get school back on? Or you wanna dump the babies and have a be-free-do-nothing-chill-with-your-pal-bro-do-anything-you-want day?" Students: cheering "Dump the babies! Dump the babies!" Camillio: "Yeah. Okay. That's kinda like what I thought." students chuck their babies into the box. Meanwhile, Lee is chasing Barrage as he weaves through traffic. Lee: "Outta my way! Baby on board!" manages to catch up with Barrage and knocks on the driver's side window. "Barrage! Stop! It's me!" oncoming truck honks, and Lee swerves onto the sidewalk. He collides with a tree and falls over just in time to see Barrage go past, having turned onto a perpendicular street. ---- school, Tina is looking at a piece of paper where she's scribbled down the code. Chaz grabs it. Tina: "Hey! Go annoy someone else, I'm trying to figure out what this–" Chaz: "This just in: Tina Kwee tries to figure out something this veteran reporter already knows!" Tina: "As if. Wait. You do?" Chaz: "Do you really wanna know? Do you really wanna know? 'Kay guess, just guess." Tina: annoyed "Just tell me." Chaz: "Ladies and gentlemen, time for another round of everybody's favorite game. Twenty Questions with Chaz!" Tina: "Ugh, are you demented?" Chaz: "Yes. Nineteen questions, go!" Tina: "Ugh!" Lee: the distance "Barrage!" Tina: "Is that Lee?" Lee: fast "Barrage! Stop! It's me!" pulls into the teachers' parking lot, and Lee continues straight. He spots a hot dog cart. Lee: "Gah!" crashes, and hot dogs fly into the hands of the skaters. Skaters: "Yay!" Students: cheering "Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!" Brad: Dickie "That Lee and his crew. I don't get it. I'm way cooler." Dickie: at his phone "Actually, according to the latest Chaz's Corner Cool Pool, you're below Lee in popularity." Brad: "I think we know how to fix that." Dickie: "What, like have a super Hollywood A-list party at your place, impress everyone, and not invite Ping?" Brad: "Not even close. Dude, this is classic McSlam." Dickie: nodding "Oh, right." thinking "What?" Brad: "Victor Von McSlam, Vampire Hunter: No One Puts a Stake through the Vampire Emperor Heart for Free!" Dickie: "You totally lost me. Completely." Brad: "Don't you see? If I wanna bring down Vampire Emperor Ping, I need to date his best friends' girlfriends, encase their hearts in crystal, slay their boyfriends, use the Sacred Stone, transform into them, then, infiltrate the Emperor and boom! Assassination time!" Dickie: "Dude, seriously? That's a movie!" Brad: "Exactly! It's perfect." pulls into a parking space, opens the door, and steps out. Principal General Barrage: "Listen up! You snot-nosed baggy-pants-wearing maggot-covered puddles of vomitized puke! General Principal Barrage is in command! School is back on! Everybody get where they need to be! Asap! As in, now! As in, go, go, go!" Lee: happy "Barrage? Is back?" Principal General Barrage: through the halls "Pick up that pencil. Shine up those shoes. Get a haircut. Get to class." Lee: him "Principal Barrage! You're back! We so need to talk. What happened? Where did they take you?" Principal General Barrage: "And who would they be?" Lee: "Um, VP? The dance? They got you, and–" suddenly stops. "Barrage?" vision has gone black, replaced with a blinking blue icon. He shakes his head. Principal General Barrage: "Got me? No one got me. I been on vacation, at a place called Coral–" Lee: "Grove? Really? How'd you escape?" Principal General Barrage: "Escape?" fakes a laugh. "Now, who would want to escape paradise? 'At's silly!" looks around and notices several cameras. Lee: softly "Oh, I get it. The cameras." loudly "Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else." Principal General Barrage: "Well you got a problem boy? With your eye?" Lee: thrown aside by Chaz "Hey." Chaz: "Chaz Monerainian, school news? Let me be the first to say welcome back, sir! We've all missed you." Principal General Barrage: in Chaz's face "Well ain't that sweet." shoves Chaz out of the picture. Chaz: "Hey!" Principal General Barrage: "I am awful glad you joined us, 'cause I'd like to show the entire school–" taps the camera's lens. When the camera comes back on again, they are outside the detention room. "The new detention room! Introducing the ultimate in student captivity. Fort Nigma! Booyah." principal opens the new, reinforced steel door. Inside, the room looks the same way it normally does. Lee: "It's exactly the same as before." Principal General Barrage: "It's what you can't see that you should fear. Oh, I won't give away too much, I prefer the prisoner to suffer by surprise. But I will say this." flips a coin in the air, and a laser blasts a hole straight through it. "Laser grid!" entire school gasps. Chaz goes over to the detention warden. Chaz: "Any comments?" Peg just snores into the microphone. The school laughs. Principal General Barrage: "In fact, I'm so sure of my new facilities, that I've got a special one-time offer!" drags Lee in front of the cameras. "If Lee Ping here can escape my new detention room today, he's free from detention for the rest of the year! Two chances, one now, and one after school." Chaz: "You heard it here first, folks. Stay tuned for Lee Ping: Escape from Fort Nigma. Will he. Won't he. That's coming up after the break. Pop your corn now, 'cause it is on!" ---- principal leaves the room while Lee stays in lunch detention. Principal General Barrage: "See you in an hour." snickers as the door shuts. Detention System: "Preet operational. All detentionaires take their seats." Lee: towards the door "Yeah? Or what?" force field fries him. "Aah! Electrified floors! Ouch! Okay, got it." steps to the right and gets zapped again. "Aah! This, officially sucks." out his phone "Time to call in some backup. No signal? C'mon, you gotta be kidding me. How am I gonna–" gets zapped again while wandering around the room. "Ow!" ---- friends have a plan. Holger is singing spy music while Cam explains. Camillio: "Okay, eses and señoritas. Ping needs our help. We totally gonna bust him out with the help of a few borrowed tools. Then he'll be free all year. It's gonna be–o-''kay,'' would you stop with the music, you're driving me loco!" continues singing. Cam sighs, and Greta uses her library card to open the door and let them in. ---- shoots a spitball at the floor, and it fries and disappears. Lee: "Okay, so those squares are bad too." a piece of paper "There's gotta be a path somewhere." blast of vapor hits him in the face. "What the–" coughs. Detention System: "No talking in detention." Lee: "Okay can you seriously stop–" gets another blast of vapor. Detention System: "No talking." somebody bangs on the door. Camillio: "Ping! If you can hear me, it's Cam!" Holger: "And Greta and Holger, from school!" Camillio: "Dude he knows who we are." calling "Dude! Hang tight! We're totally gonna bust you out, bro!" and Holger bang on the door with sledgehammers while Greta uses a drill. Two cleaners approach. Camillio: "Hey! Camillio Martinez, hi, school prez? We're just uh, we're part of the uh, we're–" Greta: "Official Presidential Testing Detention Room Committee." three grin and nod nervously. Camillio: "Ri-i-ight, what she said. Well, ahem, this door's up to code." trio walk away. ---- is sitting with three of the Glamazons. Camillio: "Yo Brandita, why aren't you guys sitting with Kimmie?" Brandy: "Oh, Kimmie needs her alone time for some reason." is sitting by herself at a table. Biffy nervously waves to her from across the lunchroom, and she pointedly averts her eyes. His shoulders slump. Brandy: "So, I'm in charge. Right girls?" and McKenzie look at each other and then nod. Camillio: "Brandy's in charge? I like that. You know we could be like a power couple!" Brad: "Brandy." turns to face him. "Me and Dickie need a third for cards. Want in?" Brandy: "I'm sorta chilling with–" flashes her a dazzling smile. "I'm in! Ciao Cammy, text me!" goes off with the other two popular kids. The other Glamazons stare at Cam. Camillio: nervous "Yeah, whatever. So what's up ladies?" get up and leave. Cam sighs as Holger and Greta sit down with him. Greta: "Brad is such a cheesy ball." ---- news crew is hanging out outside detention. Tina: "Is it a place in the city?" Chaz: "Yes it is. But sorry, time's up. Hey thanks for playing Twenty Questions with Chaz." Tina: "Seriously Chaz if you know what the numbers mean you gotta tell me!" Chaz: "Oh I love the power I have over you right now. So delicious!" singing "I know something you don't!" Tina: "Okay, fine, whadda you want?" Chaz: "You! To be my butler for a week!" Tina: "How about a day?" Chaz: "Deal! Now get me a turkey, lean, on rye, not from the caf though, from the tasty deli up the street." Tina: "Fine. But then you tell me." angrily stomps away as the principal comes in from the other direction. Chaz: reporting "A. Nigma High, we're down to the final few minutes. Welcome back to Lee Ping's Great Escape with the Chaz. Can he do it? Will Barrage reign supreme? Will my hairspray hold up? The answer to one of those questions is probably yes." is sitting around bored when the door swings open. Principal General Barrage: "Well, lookee who's still here. De-smissed, Ping! But don't worry, I'll keep your seat warm for ya after school." principal laughs evilly, and he and Lee leave detention. Chaz: "Ladies and gentlefolk, Lee Ping has failed to escape detention. School authority, one. Prankster, zilch." the cafeteria, Biffy sees the news report. He then sees Kimmie walk by and ignore him and sighs. Lee: up to the principal "Okay, that little show was fun. But seriously, we need to talk. What's going on?" Principal General Barrage: "What's going on is that I own you, Ping! Now get to class, sissy-prissy Joel Junior!" Lee: "But the tunnels! The dance! Where they took you! What'd they do to you?" Principal General Barrage: eye lighting up "To me?" Lee: "Yeah. Does Buttonford seven oh-four, fourteen forty-five mean anything to you?" feed from his cyborg eye cuts to a picture of two shadowy figures in front of him and then back to Lee. A blinking blue icon comes on over Lee's face. Barrage shakes his head. Principal General Barrage: decisive "Ping! Class! Yesterday!" hustles away from Lee. Lee: "Aw, man. They musta gotten to him. So? Now what?" ---- now has a plan. Greta: up "So, I cause a disturbance and you guys bust Lee out. Simple." Holger: "Holger liking the new plan." Brad: up "Hello, Greta. Your unibrow looks particularly well-groomed today." Camillio: confused "What the what?" Holger: "What the what, you. The unibrow does look nice." Brad: "I have a free period and could use some private math tutoring. Think you could help?" smiles. Greta: dumbstruck "Hrrrrrrrr." with Brad "So, the quadratic relationship between a fraction and a decimal might seem worrisome at first, but..." looks at Cam, and Cam shrugs. Holger runs after them. Holger: distraught "But you said he was a cheesy ball!" Lee: up "Cam! What happened?" Camillio: "Dude, sorry about the failed escape, but we got a new plan." Lee: "Forget it. Something's up with Barrage. He's acting like everything is fine!" Tina: "Lee!" runs up to him. "I know what that code means!" Chaz: up "Uh, this has pickles, I hate pickles, get me a new one." Tina: "No." Chaz: "Uh, you have to. You're my butler." Tina: "Sorry, but you already told me what you know." Lee: "Wait. Chaz knew the code?" Chaz: "Oh yeah, it's–" Tina: "Buttonford is an airport, and–" Chaz: "Seven-oh-four is the flight number of a jet my dad uses, and–" Lee: "It's a flight that lands or takes off at–" Lee and Tina: "Fourteen forty-five!" Chaz: "That's two forty-five, thanks. Now get me a pickle-free sandwich!" Tina: annoyed "Rrgh!" boy walks by holding a sandwich. Tina quickly swaps them. Tina: "Here. Now go." two boys shrug and walk away. Tina turns back to Lee. Camillio: "I totally have a spare, I can check it out but you know like what am I looking for?" Lee: "I–donno. That's the problem. I have to go to the airport myself." Tina: "But you'll never get back in time to get out of that detention room!" bell rings before Lee can respond, and the principal marches towards them. Principal General Barrage: "Ping and friends! Butts in chairs in class!" Lee: "Good point. Barrage is all over me." Camillio: them away "El Prez'll hook you up with some free time." to the principal "Yo, Mister Principal Robot! El Prez needs to talk!" Cam has wrangled a meeting in Barrage's office. Camillio: up "And that is why we wanna have a Welcome Back Barrage ceremony. To remind everybody who is in charge!" Principal General Barrage: quietly "Hmm. I like it. It's got purpose, integrity, a touch of class. Why, it even has a little...chutzpah. Best of all, it's about me!" uses the televisions throughout the school to tell everyone. "Attention rep-ro-bates! School assembly, next period, attendance is mandatory!" Lee: class with Tina "Cool, Cam did it!" Tina: "And I've got the fastest route to the airport. There's a two-twenty streetcar." Lee: smiling "Tina, have I ever told you that I love-l-liking you? Heh, okay, can you email me all the info you have?" Tina: "Why? I'm coming with you." jaw drops. He processes her statement. Lee: "Okay." ---- the shop classroom, the 15th Graders are working on stuff. Holger is also at work, but with a sewing machine rather than with power tools or hammers. He is dressed as Jorf Borf. Holger: "Sewy sewy sew-sew! Keep the veason vorm, vith Claus." notices the time: one-thirteen. He calls Greta, who is seated next to Brad and giggling. Greta: answering "Oh, hi Holger." Brad: "Who is it, my angel? I mean, my angle?" laugh. "Who knew math could be so flirty?" Greta: "Don't be so obtuse." Holger "Okay thanks for calling, talk to you later." hangs up, and Holger shivers. He then notices that he's sewn his hand and screams. ---- is standing at the podium in the auditorium and directing traffic. Camillio: "Okay amigos, come forward. Fill up the seats, make your heads like really huge if you can. Cyrus, sit here!" takes a front-row seat. Lee and Tina stop at the doors. Tina: "Okay. The streetcar leaves in four minutes. We need to be on it." walks up. Principal General Barrage: "Mister Ping. So glad to see you at my little ceremony. Since you like to prank large gatherings! I'm keeping my eye especially on you." principal walks away. Lee and Tina take seats in the back. Tina: "What are we gonna do? We'll never be able to sneak out of here." Lee: "Don't worry! Have a little faith in the Viking." Holger: "Holger here! Hurry, quick!" runs in, still dressed in his unitard, and tosses small red flags to the audience. Camillio: "Welcome peeps. Uh, we are here to uh, welcome back our favorite principal! And what better way to celebrate a dictator, than by waving a flag, yo! So come on everybody, and wave 'em!" principal walks up to the podium. "For Barrage! Best half-cyborg with a weird like robo-eye thingy principal ever!" crowd cheers and waves the flags vigorously. The principal is unable to find Lee in the commotion, especially after he and Tina sneak out the door. Tina: they run "Two minutes left!" Holger: them "Hi Lee! Bye!" spots the time, screams, and runs into a locker. "I'm okay." and Tina make it to the school exit. They step outside and see the streetcar. Tina: "There it is!" run towards it. It takes off just before they can catch it. "Hold up!" panting "Okay. So, that went out the window." small honk comes from behind them. Stinky pulls up on his motorscooter. Stinky: "Holger said you need a lift to the airport?" up two helmets "Hop on!" Tina: happy "Okay. I have faith in the Viking." gets in the sidecar, and Tina rides behind Stinky. They leave school. ---- principal is still scanning the assembly. Principal General Barrage: "Where is that little girl bag of guts?" Camillio: "Hey-hey-hey!" spots Brad sitting next to Brandy. "Oh, what is up with that guy?!?" the principal "All you dude." Principal General Barrage: the podium "Listen up you french-fry-loving, lederhosen-wearing, filthy little greasebags! Put those flippity-flappety slapjack doohickeys down! Stat!" ---- is trying to stuff a scarecrow of Lee with straw. He looks at the live feed on the television and spots Brad chatting with Greta. Holger: "Oh no!" on his work "Don't look at ze Greta! It is helping Lee time! Go go Captain Strudellegs!" ---- has dropped off Lee and Tina with two minutes until the plane is scheduled to land. Stinky: "I'll wait here. I got a clowning exam to study for." takes off his helmet and replaces it with a clown hat. Lee: "Thanks buddy." and Tina head into the woods around the airport. When they catch sight of the building, nobody seems to be around. Tina: "There's nobody here!" exasperated "Uh, how could I believe Chaz!" Lee: "Hold on." duo lower themselves into the bushes and watch as a black car pulls up. The rear window of the car lowers, revealing that Cassandra is one of the passengers. Suddenly, the wind shifts towards Lee and Tina. Lee sneezes and Tina groans. They cover that noses. Lee: "Oh, that smell! I smelled it at Kimmie's, it's like sulfur and cologne or something–check it out! Flight 704!" plane has landed. Tina fumbles for a camera. "Whoa!" ---- and Brandy are laughing together. Cam joins them. Camillio: a laugh "Oh-ho-ho-ho, ho hey, amigos, yeah, yeah you bored with the ceremony, yeah, mind if I join the convo?" Principal General Barrage: the microphone "Okay, that's enough! Flags! Down! Now!" cheering stops and the flags stop waving. "That's enough pageantry. It's too much red. I can't keep track of what's-his-cakehole. Where'd he go?" rushes in with the Lee dummy and quickly takes two empty seats in the rear. Meanwhile, Cam notices that Brad is flirting with Greta. Holger: "Zedley! You must pass this around, for ze Lee's new prank! Ja?" hands Zed the scarecrow and runs towards Greta. Camillio: himself "No! Holger! Eye on the prize, man, forget Brad!" Principal General Barrage: the moving mannequin "Ah-ha. There you are. Maggot!" ---- gasps. An obese man in a business suit has exited the plane. Lee: "A second member of the Council? Tina, are you getting this?" Tina: "Uh-huh." man walks over to Cassandra. He opens a briefcase, and they look inside. Tina starts to zoom in, but a giant green robot lands in the middle of her shot. She and Lee gasp. Lee: "Run!" and Tina take off just before the reaper swings its scythe at where they were. They run through the woods until Tina's foot gets caught by a tree root, and she tumbles to the ground. Tina: "Lee!" stops and turns around. "I'm stuck help!" comes back to help, and gets Tina's foot unstuck just as the reaper arrives. It swings its scythe at them, and they dodge and run towards Stinky. Lee: "Go go go!" and Tina leap into the sidecar, and Stinky guns it. Tina: "Ha! Try to catch up with us now!" robot accepts the challenge and begins flying after them. ---- is constantly moving through the audience, and Barrage is beginning to get frustrated. Principal General Barrage: "Now where'd that no-good punk go? Stay still, jumpy!" spots the dummy. "Okay, that's it." principal wades into the audience, seeking to capture his prey. Cam runs over to the microphone. Camillio: the microphone "Uh, hey hey guys, how about another round for the big guy!" students begin cheering and waving flags. Principal General Barrage: "Alright! Now, party's over. Get back to class!" ---- guides the car down the road as the robot chases them. A stoplight ahead of them turns red, and he eases the vehicle to a halt. Lee: frantic "What are you doing?!? Don't stop!" Stinky: "I can't lose my scooter license. How else would I get to clown school?" groans. The light turns green. Lee: "Go!" peels out just as the reaper catches up and grabs Tina's camera. Tina: "No!" grabs the strap. Lee: "Oh no." Tina: "That's mine!" Lee: "Tina!" grabs Tina's legs as the robot pulls her body out of the sidecar. Tina screams as she watches the asphalt below her body speed by. Lee: "Just let go of the camera! Just let go, it's not worth it!" Tina: "Really? But I–" loses her grip on the camera and falls back into the sidecar. Lee: she pants from adrenaline "Trust me. You're way more important than a camera." smiles. ---- dummy is being passed along a row. Biffy is at the end of the row. Principal General Barrage: "Lee Ping!" stands up and faces Barrage, with the dummy behind his back. "Show your face!" pushes Biffy aside. A red flag is waved under the principal's nose. Lee: "Looking for me?" Principal General Barrage: threateningly "Ready for your not-so-great escape, Mister Ping?" Lee: bravely "Sure! Let's do it!" principal leads the way. Lee smiles at Biffy, but Biffy merely frowns and walks away. Lee's face falls. ---- Chaz: reporting "This was the scene earlier today. Though his buddies tried to distract the guards with some sort of crazy fish dance, Lee's ordeal ended with a whimper." turns off his computer. Lee: "Oh well. At least they tried." looks at the sketchpad in his hands, where he's drawn a picture of the fat man. Mrs. Ping: him "Who's that?" Lee: surprised "Gah! Oh. Hi Mom." Mrs. Ping: scared "Where did you see that man?" Lee: "Uh, I didn't. I just made him up. I was just, uh, doodling. Why?" Mrs. Ping: "Nothing, I just thought–" clears her throat. "Good night son." mom turns out the lights and exits the room. Lee: "Two out of five Council members." sets the sketchpad down by a sketch of Cassandra. "But who are they? And what was in that case?"